I USED TO DO THIS AT THE END OF EVERY YEAR AND THEN I STOPPED, BUT NOW I'M BACK SO FUCK YOU.
1) Music is Cool and everything, but I'd rather light myself on fire than talk to you about it, if you're gonna be 'that guy'.
I get it. You own records and shit. Rare ones. Ones that other people don't have. And that's cool. I also buy things with money and then feel like they in some way affirm my identity. We're not so different, you and I. But the thing is, I used to own lots of records, and then I stopped making lots of money and before I knew it, I was a stupid student on a budget and I needed to make some quick cash.
It's funny how quickly the lack of money will change your priorities. When you need it and don't have it, suddenly an entire world of possibilities opens up. You start to consider a bunch of shit you could do to make money, and occasionally you consider options that may never have crossed your mind.
For me it was either sell my shit or start stripping, and I honestly wish I had enough confidence for the latter because I barely own anything cool anymore, but I didn't and now I'm missing lots of shit that I spent a lot of time thumbing my way through hours of brutal crates filled with all sorts of crap to finally come up on. LIFE, HEY? What a trip!
THE BOTTOM LINE I GUESS is that I used to think that I was a record guy, and owning vinyls was as congruent to my personality as say, humour or kindness is to a well rounded human being. Record collecting was not only a hobby, but it became an obsession. It made me feel special to know stuff and own stuff that only a select niche even cared to consider important.
Slowly over time, the packed shelves slowly dwindled down to a few stacks. I could barely consider myself part of the collector's club. At first, I felt somewhat apologetic when people would come over like "oh sorry there's so little to choose from", but eventually everything just ended up on Youtube and I didn't even have to get off my ass to change a tune. What a time to be alive!
In retrospect, the more records I could have owned, the more would have ended up collecting dust. And I never wanted to be some annoying asshole who intimidated and frankly agitated people by spewing slews of obscure factoids every time someone asked me if I'd heard something.
I'd rather just admit that my two favourite records are Static Age and Rhythm Nation instead of being able to rattle off a myriad of mid 70s prog bands in the orbit of Fuzzy Duck because honestly WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK.
Anyways I spent too long on my number 1, so now I gotta make the next few short and sweet.
2) Pretty much everyone in the entire world loves petting dogs and eating pizza, and you know what? THEY'RE RIGHT.
3) NEVER read the comments section. EVER.
Unless you feel like wanting to validate every negative sweeping generalization you've ever had about the human race. And even then, if you REALLY need to do something unhealthy that provides you with absolutely no return, smoke a whole pack of cigarettes!
4) It's cool to check your own privilege. In fact it's always good to be mindful about how truly blessed you are, as compared to the world's poor, but for god's sake please stop telling other people how to perform self criticism unless you're a psychotherapist or GOD. Are you either? Ok cool. Now SHUT UP.
5) I'm not saying it's okay to be middle aged and ignorant. I'm just saying... I get it. It's like being old and racist. I don't think it's acceptable, but I do think that historically, the past 50 years have been an incredible time to harbour hateful prejudice without ever having to really justify it, let alone examine it. I like to keep that in mind, from time to time, when I'm feeling particularly hopeful that one day all the bigots will die off like the dinosaurs.
6) While I realize that parents are people too, I don't have any interest in relating to them like pals. I don't want to talk to them about doing anything cool, or brutal or illegal. Never did. Never will. And maybe that's petty and immature, BUT THAT'S JUST ME BABY. I don't want to know that parents smoke weed. I don't want to know that they have faults. I don't want to be equals with them, I just want them to tell me what to fucking do with my life ALL THE TIME and make me feel like everything is going to be okay.
If parents are people too, then I'll have to acknowledge that they have no fucking idea if it's going to be and I JUST DON'T WANT TO LOSE THAT RIGHT NOW, OK?
7) Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean you didn't ever do anything right before that. Stop beating yourself up.
Last year I made some fucking HUUUGE mistakes. Some unbelievably awful mistakes. Some humiliating and what felt like reputation and life ruining mistakes. And you know what? I also did some really cool stuff too! I also learned a lot about myself. I also got better at the things I wasn't so great at, and I pushed myself harder and further than I ever have in a lot of ways.
I don't regret a lot of shit that other people might tell me I should. I don't regret taking on more than I could chew a million times over. I don't regret doing a bad job sometimes. Lots of times, even.
I'm just an average dude and I have never promised anyone perfection. I can only ever promise that I'll try my best. Somehow people get those two convoluted and think THE best and MY best are the same, and hooo boy, you couldn't be more wrong. My best is way fucking worse.
8) "You can't beat death, but you can beat death in life sometimes. And the more often you learn to do it, the more lights there will be."
Anyways those are the only things I learned last year. Bye.
